i just finshed filling out about 6 or 7 different applications for ski resorts. it was a tiring ordeal, but very worthwhile (at least i hope so). my ideal job this winter would be to work as a lift operator at either alta or snowbird or park city or the canyons or sundance. tuesdays and thursdays. from like 8-4. i think it would be really easy. a lot of people would hate sitting up in this little box for a really long time, occasionally getting out to shovel snow where one gets off the lift. but i think that is the most perfect job for me. i would just sit listening to music and seeing new people. plus i would be able to ski for free! cause if i dont work at a resort, then im not gonna buy a pass for 500 bucks! it would be nice to work at park city, cause i would also be able to ski the canyons and deer valley for free. yes, this is my aspiration. but sundacne is closer and probbably a better fit. for driving purposes (or bus purposes for that matter)

on a rather serious and somber note...

i dont really feel i fit in a lot of the times with the indie rock crowd. with a lot of people. i would like to wear really hip clothes and cool shoes and all that, but i dont. its such a fashion sense sometimes, at least to me. which isnt bad. how come people always put down people for doing what they want to do. like wear hip clothes. f-dudes. utah valley girls. thats they way people are. its like luit says, its not that he was offended, but more so that he couldnt relate. and its not that im saying people should worship or be friends with all these people cause of what they do or are, just let them be people. i wonder how hip people view me. i dont think i generally follow trends to much. mainstream trends or indie trends. or rock trends or hip hop trends. i think everything influences me to a little bit and has made me what i am. (im more influences by trends of frineds i think. maybe not) sometimes i would like to be a hipster and wear hip stuff though. cause a lot of the times i look in the mirror and im like "woah, real cool jeff, looking good" and i know the really really cool people say they dont care what they wear, but deep down everybody does. no matter who it be.

on this note, and kinda to the opposite of what i just stated, my brother brian whose studying to be a marine biologist and who called me saturday (the first time i think i have ever felt like he could be a good friend, cause before i just never really talked to him, being in college makes it better) to talk about being vegetarian and told me "if youre not eating right theres no point" (he was once vegetarian for a long while) and who is married to flora his wife and also vegetarian and buddhist and brian who once was in one the greatest rock new wave bands to come out of oklahoma (the lids) did this about fashion while in high school that impresses me even to this day. he would get out of bed, and not even looking at what shirt he grabbed out of the closet, would put it on and wear it. this may not sound that extreme, but i use to try it, just reach in the closet and pull out a shirt to wear, and i would be like "i dont wanta wear this shirt" and then look for a shirt i wanted to wear. he was the epitomy of cool to me and its really funny now cause he use to know music like crazy and when we talked the other day i told him i was gonna go see the anniversary and he didnt even know who they were. nor the get up kids. so the roles are now reversed (although i assume he doesn't idolize me like i once did to him. and still do.)

on another entirely different facet, rachelle just told me shes disappointed in me for not going to class, and it kinda hurt me. more the fact that im letting myself down.

newsflash: my mom loves me.

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