something that gives me solace is knowing that with love, things will work out. that who i end up with, i will want to be with them and love them. and sometimes i panic thinking "what if i marry the wrong person!" but knowing this, that things will work out with love, lets me know that when i do marry someone, it will be because i want to, and because i love them, and with her likewise.

this is nice to know when dating somebody, that if things aren't working out, that it's okay, cause you will meet someone who they will work out with. and if you are dating someone and things work out great! then you can date for years! and be in your 30's and not married! and it would be so fun! and you will drink and smoke!

a joke chris always makes that i stole is using the term natural man for a means of wanting to do something that is looked upon in mormon culture as bad. for example, if talking about taking a hit of acid i would say ''my natural man wants too..."

lately it has not been such a pull, but before i have wanted to let my natural man take over. to live that lifestyle. of drinking champagne and smoking cigars and having unbridled sex. i am not sure why that is the lifestyle i have wanted (and only partly want now), but thinking of it is fun. it also seems irresponsible (in the sense of where i am right now). i have often believed that one main reason i don't actively due these things is due to my attending BYU. but that's not always the case as last summer i smoked two cigars by myself in the early morning backyard. and even though i was really sad that early morning, it was so fun! and i didn't even get lung cancer!

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