on a dollar bill i have is written these words: whoever has this dollar bill is born retarted.

i think i am jaded by love. jaded can either mean "cynically or pretentiously callous," or "worn out and wearied." i think the later applies here. though i still hope for love, i am tired (in the worn and wearied way) of finding someone who i connect with only to later disconnect with them. or to find someone who has issues, when i myself have issues. i am not regretting past relationships that i have had, i just feel worn out and wearied by them. if i am this way how can i give my love to someone who deserves it. or how can i expect someone to do the same for me when they themself have been worn and wearied by love. how can i show someone my true self when i fear they will not accept it. i suppose that is when love is real and true, that you are accepted even in your weakest and most naked state. and that is what we really want out of this life. to be understood in our most confusing times. that is why chris wants to bawl in everyone's face, because we want someone who we can truly love and connect to. but how do i feel hopeful for that when i am worn out. even though that is what i earnestly want i can't help but feel jaded by the whole thing.

people want this (love) so much that they are willing to be abused emotionally and physically in relationships. they connect with somebody but not to the full extent they should, so after breaking up hang on to it longer because they want that love and connection to still last. they will hang on even when they know in their heart of hearts that is not what they truly want.

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