today i got my new phone and it feels so good!

like any addiction that has been broken, once it is embraced again those first few moments are like nothing you have ever felt. since i haven't been able to text since thursday, being able to text when i got my phone made me so excited, and was quite a euphoric experience. the reason why is because i had something which i valued, and then lost it. during the time that it was lost i came to appreciate it more than i would have if i had had it. and so when i was able to have it again, i was able to be grateful for it, more then i would have ever been had i never lost it. i am talking in circles now.

it was the same when i went to central america this summer. even though i was only there for three weeks, being by myself and without friends made me appreciate life so much more. it made me value friendships and love and the importance that they play in my life. it effected me so much that when i came back and hung out for those first few days it was as if i had never had friends before, and was experiencing them for the first time and what they offer. and it was one of the happiest periods of my life, those days, viewing things as if i were a baby.

it was the same when i did the lemon cleanse diet. being without food for a few days made me realize how much i love food. so when i ate it again it was as if it was mana from heaven.

but oh how momentary these feelings of appreciation last! often within days we go back to what we were like before. numb to those things that once gave us hope and light. which is why i think it's important and pertinent to go out into the unknown, to brave the world when we are scared, to try something new. because it is often in these times that we learn the most about ourselves. it is often in these times that we truly feel a connection with the world, and with god, and with the universe.

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