it is making me cry!!! it is strange, life and all. here is a musical about gays and AIDS and hard drugs and living in the slums (all of which i have never experienced), but the message overall (of love) is so powerful that it shatters the connotations that these things could and do portray. to me it touches on such human emotions of lonliness and love that it is hard not to cry when listening to it. and especially being able to listen to it in the privacy of my own room, in my own bed (well, the bed in my parents computer room) makes it so much more amazing to experience. seeing it in the theatre is great, and seeing it on broadway was great too. but being alone with my thoughts, by myself, listening to it, makes moments like this worth every single shit thing i have ever gone through. that last sentence sounded harsh! i wanted it to, though i am not sure how much i was actually feeling it. i suppose i was, but you might ask "if you were not sincere with that, then how can i take the rest of this entry seriously?" but what is real? and what is sincere? this is all sounding very silly but i am really asking these things, and meaning them, even if i am being sincere or not. have i lost anybody? i have lost myself i guess.

but are these words not powerful? are these words not meaningful? forget that they are from a gay musical about AIDS and just think about them:

theres only now, theres only here. give in to love, or live in fear. no other path. no other day. no day but today.

i am being so sappy but here me out!!! isn't this what life is about. to live and to love? one of my favorite hot water music songs says

it's hard to find your way through the darkness. it's hard to know what to believe. but if you live by your heart and value the love that you find, then you'll have all you need.

is that not true? i think so. that all we can hope for is to live and love the best we know how. some know better than others. and these people should help others that don't really know. but to do so with understanding and trust, with sympathy and love.