once i was a strong man. i had many ambitions and goals, along with friends and loved ones who i cared deeply for. now i am damaged goods, fruit that has gone rotten, a newspaper never to be read. it's not that i don't care for things anymore, it's just that i have fucked the world too hard for too long, without ever stopping to think what it would do to myself and others. everyone is selfish to a degree. when you wrap yourself up in so much filth and self-loathing, the weight of everything can be too much for even the strongest man.

do people understand why others turn to drugs or alcohol? or why people turn to some things that are disapproving to most? for me it is to forget this shit life of mine-a made for tv movie that has been on repeat for way too long.

fuck mental illnesses. they ruin too many good people and make lives too unbearable.

i seriously think i will go for a summer swim and never come back, meaning that i will go to a secluded lake and drown myself, only to regret it when i feel the water inside my lungs. if anybody would like to join me, you can find me at jesse's parents house.

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