chris speaking of people who he has related with the most has made me think if there is someone whom i have related with (the most). the only person i can really think of is john darnielle. and not even necessarilly of him as a person, but more his songs. often i will hear a song of his and think "i wish i had written that, that is exactly how i feel." i remember scott and i were listening to the mountain goats once, and he mentioned, "this is the childhood we should have had man!" i remember thinking the exact same thing. come to think of it, me and scott are pretty similiar, and there have been things he has said where i have thought the same. but the thing about the statement scott made of the mountain goats was not one of "man, this childhood he sings about sounds so good, that we SHOULD have had one like that," because if anyone is familiar with john darnielle you will know that he often sings of broken homes and alcohol, two things of which i did not grow up with. but the way he sings about it is so detailed and vivid, that i feel if i DID have a childhood like that, then it would be exactly as he describes. it is interesting to feel an emotion that you never knew you had

here are some lines which i relate to from "this year" (relating to, but in never having experienced it. well, i guess in some way i have, but not so literally).

i played video games in a drunken haze
i was seventeen years young.
hurt my knuckles punching the machines
the taste of scotch rich on my tongue.

and then cathy showed up and we hung out.
trading swigs from the bottle all bitter and clean
locking eyes, holding hands,
twin high maintenance machines.

(this is my favorite part of the song)

i drove home in the california dusk.
i could feel the alcohol inside of me.
picture the look on my stepfather's face,
ready for the bad things to come.

i downshifted as i pulled into the driveway.
the motor screaming out stuck in second gear.
the scene ends badly as you might imagine,
in a cavalcade of anger and fear.

i am going to make it through this year if it kills me.

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