i am sorry to everybody that does not understand, it is just too much too explain. i am sorry to my friends, and to my family. they will never understand this pain. even if i were to explain it, it would just sound so vain, so weak. my only comfort is that there are some who DO understand, some who DO care. and in knowing this, may god (in his unfortunate state) grant them knowledge to know what to do with poor wretched souls like me.

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