to echo chris' sentiments, i too wish i could write as openly about my drug use to people. not that i think i have experienced something so different from everybody else, as drugs usually illicit the same response in each person. but i have felt differently of the world after having used drugs. i have felt stronger (while at the same time weaker). i have experienced more pain and beauty then others have ever felt, or will ever feel. but in talking about things that are socially taboo with some people, nothing will ever be accomplished. what is real, what is not?

i like to think myself as someone who can experience anything once without being effected, and i know that most people will never understand drug use, or what it does to make people feel so alive. but that is okay with me. i am okay with with my life. i am okay with the things that i have done, and i am okay with the things that i do. can you say the same thing? can you say that you have felt the fullness of the sun? that you have felt that your life actually mattered? that what you do has a purpose? i have. and i am sorry for those who haven't, though i understand why they haven't. i am so far removed from what other people are thinking.

i want to live in olympia for the next few years.

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